1.18 VIRAM PRATYAABHYASA PURVAH SAMSKAARASESO’NYAH
VIRAMA= COMPLETE CESSATION
PRATYAYA= FIRMLY CONVINCED
SAMSKRA= MEMORIES, IMPRESSIONS
ANYAH= THE OTHER
BY THE FIRMLY CONVINCED PRACTICE OF COMPLETE CESSATION OF THE MENTAL MODIFICATIONS, THE IMPRESSIONS ONLY REMAIN. (THIS IS THE OTHER SAMADHI; ASAMPRAJNATA OR NON-DISTINGUISHED)
I am not sure if this trip has been like an Escher painting, where when you soften your gaze and look the image pops forth with unbelievable clarity, or if I am trapped in eerie coincidence after coincidence. Maybe there are other forces at play and I am getting into a groove with the universe that is both messing with and creating clarity in my head simultaneously. It is day three of the Lunar Immersion in Sydney and the body-work is all back body (our yang side and protective framework) and back flying (heart opening and deep back bending moves). The girls and I began our planning and the discussion turned to how we hold onto our old stories and often resist coming into the best part of ourselves by clinging to old ideas of who we are. These latent impressions (memories) take time to simmer and with the right focus and circumstance can come back up. Sometimes this is a sacred and conscious choice as we know what we are working through and at other times the very nature of being human will present the opportunity for us to look at ourselves again and again until we can release what no longer serves us.
The sutra today reflects that final stage where we gain such ultimate control that we can transform our experiences to a point where they no longer hold power over us. It takes the fire of courage to look at each of the pieces that resurface for each of us. We can make the choice to stuff it back down until it will rear its head again, go into denial, or let it build to anger or sorrow, or recognize suffering for what it is and move in the direction of radical change. Transformation doesn’t have to happen all at once. We can take it in stages. This is why we practice the prior sutra 1.17 to move through the many layers of understanding needed to truly be free in our minds.
I am confronted here by a significant shift in a specific relationship. One of the students here, I have met before and We will just call her “My-LESSON”, about two years ago, at a weekend event where we were both in the role of studentship. My recollection of this introduction was anything but endearing. Details will not be provided as it would not serve the story and feel like ill gossip, however to get clear in the scope of this story let us simply say that communication was atrocious, words were cutting and unkind, and lastly I lost my temper and left the relationship with very harsh words and a significant chip on my shoulder. My-LESSON walked into the opening day of the immersion about 45 minutes late. I recognized her immediately and felt my triggers going off full force. Julia was leading a Thai massage sequence and I became instantly aware that as the only teacher freely walking the room at that moment that I would have to partner with her in this dance of compassionate touch. She didn’t seem to recognize me and as I looked at her face I could see that she was worked up and very rushed. I told her to take her time and warm up on her own for a moment while I set up another station.
We proceed to the station and she seemed surprised when I offered to give her the massage first. I wasn’t sure that I was ready to receive from her and I could see that she really needed to calm down and relax. She lay down facing up and closed her eyes. I took a moment to breathe and as I observed her breathing. Her face was holding sadness and I instantly felt like I wanted to cry for her. I channeled every bit of my attention, empathy and compassion towards her. I moved slowly. I didn’t worry about catching up with the group and as I palmed my hands up and down her legs I could feel her thin limbs soften and part under my skin. Halfway through the session I looked back at her face and although she was almost asleep, I saw that she was smiling.
The rest of the day she smiled at me every time I looked in her direction. I later found out that she was late due to caring for her mother who has been very ill. I was informed by a few others that they had experienced resistance to My-LESSON at past classes. They also noticed that she seemed different somehow. We continue with the day and at the end when we all sat in our closing circle she shared some really sweet insights. I had to be willing to change my story to let this new one play out without coloring it from an old history. The love I feel for her as a human, as a woman, as a student, and as My-LESSON is a very powerful source.
As the day plays on I find many different patterns and old stories sitting at the surface and I am curious as to how I can best keep my concentration and allow the process to work for me. It is so potent to breathe through the discomfort of resistance and watch it unravel. A new tapestry is painstakingly woven into something more beautiful.
More photos are coming soon. I hope to have the time to upload them tonight. The pics below were taken by Jewels Ashby.