About four years ago I was in a depression. I had just had my second child, and my life was falling apart; in my mind- I had nothing. I spent my days trying to make everyone else happy. By nature, I’m a people pleaser, it makes me feel good to serve others but somehow, I lost myself. Who was I?
My doctor recommended I try exercise, but I didn’t know where to start. While up late on a 2am breastfeeding call I saw an infomercial for a fitness program. I ordered it hoping to lose some baby weight and of course obey doctors’ orders. The program came, and I started right away- it was 5 days of solid HIIT and body weight training and the sixth day was active rest- yoga.
I had never done yoga before, but I was sore and figured why not try. The instructor said close your eyes and breathe-I smiled and chuckled to myself. Didn’t she know that my newborn was sitting in a bassinet right next to me and her secret power was screaming whenever I closed my eyes? I followed along, like a good student, doing what I could, and I liked it though I didn’t fully reap the benefits as my heart was not 100 percent in it. I was rushing through hoping my youngest daughter wouldn’t stir and my toddler wasn’t destroying the house.
I continued through the program and as time passed, I looked forward to my active rest recovery days. I even started to close my eyes and I started to focus on my breath- pranayama. Focusing on my breath allowed me to relieve my stresses and increase my mental clarity- I felt so good. Poses started to get easy, I flowed, it began making sense. A weird thing happened almost in tandem- my life started to make sense. I got the hang of two small children, and I found myself again.
Months passed, and I gained an incredible peace and I started to pursue my practice. I listened, I closed my eyes and practiced breath control and knew my world would come together not fall apart.
New moms get so much advice from sleep training to breast feeding, but nothing for mental health or self-awareness. I wish someone would have given me yoga in my darkest moments- but I’m thankful yoga somehow found its way to me. I hope it finds you too- new mom or not. Try it with an open mind and heart, close your eyes and go on the journey to find your best self. Not only will it make you a better person, but also a better wife, mother or friend.
Years later I started yoga teacher training, I look forward to the part where I get to close my eyes and practice pranayama (directed breathing)- my life force. It is in the moments with my eyes closed tight that I remember how lost I was with my eyes wide open.
Daniela Hosier is currently registered n the Boundless Yoga Teacher Training Program and is set to Graduate in May 2019.
Boundless Yoga Staff & Students
We are continuously interested on how our reactions and responses to our personal journeys, albeit travel, adventure, new job, etc. mirror and reflect our social, emotional and spiritual ups and downs. We try every day to apply what we learn about ourselves on the yoga mat to our personal lives. Thank you for tuning in as we share some of those aspects with you.